Aegına Island, Cyclades

I've never seen a ballet performed by B-Doubles before. We boarded the "Ferry", aka a floating city block, and took our seats on the deck. I couldn't help but notice the 20 odd 40-foot taut liners, flatbeds and rigid bodies queued up behind the ferry so went to see what it was all about. There were two designated trucks that loaded the truck trailers inside the ferry, and as they weaved their way with their cargo through moving pedestrians, cars and smaller trucks my jaw was on the ground. I get a good laugh out of going to boat ramps and seeing regular people arse-up reversing a trailer with a $100,000 boat. These blokes I was amazed to see with such precision attach a 40-foot trailer to their rig, do a U-turn in a tight dock between obstacles, then reverse up a steep ramp into the ferry, parallel park the trailer perfectly between cars then drive back out to get their next trailer and do it again. The ramp was so steep I saw a car smash its front air dams and body kit on it, and these truck drivers did everything with no wheel spin, second takes or guidance, while smoking a cigarette and at one stage on his mobile- Art in motion! On board, we learned the difference between first class (The Hilton), Economy (A nice hotel), and our selection: Deck. Deck is basically a park bench with a roof on it. We have nearby to tease us the First class bar, cinema, lounge and restaurant, each with a bouncer in front of it to keep us deck scum off their plush pile carpets. Well, they can try- theres a bunch of people from deck at the moment asleep on the stair wells inside the boat because its the only place we are allowed that has carpet.

This morning we had a breakfast with Dan and Louise- both solo Aussie travellers we came across in the hostel in Athens and partied and toured with the past few days. They have been a great laugh and a nice distraction as me and Lyn have been living in each others pockets since the Egypt tour started. Between all of us we could speak about 3 words of Greek- "Yamas!" (cheers), "Oci" (No) and "Coffee". Theres also Oompa that you yell after slamming down an ouzo shot, but I cant find that in the Greek-English dictionary that is our lonely planet.

We were tossing up a 95 EUR day tour with lunch to three Greek islands yesterday, but I pretty much killed it for Me, Lyn and Louise because it was $220 AUD for the day! Instead I talked them into a day trip off our own backs and I reckon it came off better. We got a bit of a sleep in (after being woken at 6:30am by a dud wake up call), then trekked to Piraeus to catch a ferry to Aegina. After 3x bum steers on which boat was our ferry (Everything from a huge international liner to a small dinghy) we found it, and the thing looked like a giant rubber ducky when in the water, but became more a mud skipper when moving at its 32 knots. It was pretty cool, and made the trip out in about 45 minutes. On the island it was a complete contrast to what we were told the night before by Elle- crystal clear water, awesome beaches, hot sunny weather and reasonable priced cafes.

Once I found coffees were the same price as a half litre of beer, I had my drink of choice sorted, and after getting nicely sun burnt kicking back in a cafe we started looking around the island for stuff to do. I discovered a quad bike/scooter hire, and after the recommendations of Kev the Canadian at the Indian cafe the night before I was dead keen! They were however the same price as a rent a car, so we went the second option and tried to get lost on the island by driving blindly through one-lane streets without looking at the map. In between, we saw some marinas, ruins, awesome beaches, rock pools, villages, had a Greek food picnic on the mountain overlooking a bay of beaches, checked out the beach bars and ended with a drink with sunset over a marina wedged between two islands. After sunset we zoomed back through the winding beach side roads back to the main city of Aegina to return the car and grab a seafood dinner overlooking the port and its million dollar yachts. The last dish we got- Grilled Octopus had us unimpressed. It was tough as nails on the outside and made me think it was cooked on a hot rock in the sun. We were gobsmacked when our waiter came out front, pulled some of the octopus off a clothesline strung infront of the gazebo we were eating under and returned to the kitchen! The Sting ray was interesting too- as was the "garlic sauce" which came with it. Call us simple Aussies, but we left there still calling "Mashed potato with garlic" exactly that.

Athens has been awesome and I'm glad we did get here after almost deciding against it in Egypt. The place is enormous- from the top of mount Olympus there is just apartment buildings making up the horizon as far as you can see, which is not surprising given the 3.7 million people that live here. The people are considerate, most people speak English and everyone is keen to buy you a beer and have a chat which, coincidentally is right up my alley. The coffee shops, bakeries are well priced, a half litre cold stubby is $1.30 AUD at the supermarket and you can get a meal for $3 AUD. One of the more unusual things we saw around was the council's lively additions- Canines. Theres a few hundred in the city and the vast majority we saw had red collars, which made me think they were lost dogs. Nope: The city council has taken in strays, paid for their vaccinations and in some cases their vet surgery bills and they are left to roam the streets playing with people and adding a living dimension to the city. Its funny to see them crossing the road like a normal person stopping for the red man, crossing at the green, barking at bad behaviour and just kicking around town doing their own thing and playing with people.

The people around are an eyeopener too- When we arrived about 11pm on a Sunday night there were more chicks around than blokes and each one was dressed to kill. As we wandered in our daze through the train system and across city blocks to our hostel we were wondering where so many people were going at this time of night. Everything started fitting into place when we found this is another thriving social society of siestas and late nights. After seeing so many of them around, the next day we checked out a fur coat shop in the bazaar area: 3500 EUR for a short coat. A bit of a laugh considering it was next door to an Asian rip-offs importer who had Ray-Dans next to Harley Davidhong belts and Abibas gear.

Athens!

Coolest thing ever: flat ground! I can walk around with my 23kg backpack and 9kg day pack on, and not have to stare at the ground looking out for live electrical wires, chunks of steel and random obstacles that they love installing in Egypt! Yeah I know- I'm easily amused. Also of great value: Elevator doors you don't have to close yourself, carpet without holes, signs in English and finished buildings without rusting scaffolding stuck to the sides. Egypt was awesome, but its nice to be in a developed country with standards again! After our 7- hour delay at Cairo Airport we got a letter offering a free trip on Aegean Airlines anywhere they fly. We now have the mission of finding the longest leg that we can do and cashing that puppy in. I tried to get them to fork out for a taxi to the hotel too, but they thought a few hundred dollars of free air flights was adequate. We headed out to jump on a train and got our first introduction to the Greek alphabet. The pronunciation is nothing like what it seems, and we have now learned to not even bother. The "Sum-Of" (sigma?) symbol is pronounced as an S, as is the C with a hook on it, as is some O's. Wtf.

We checked into the YHA in the City near Larissa Station, got an intro to our roomies, ouzo and the downstairs bar and crashed for the night. The next day we met up with a solo traveller, Louise and started touring around with her. She had told her husband she was taking off on a bit of a round the world tour and no one believed her till she had bags packed and was en-route to the airport haha. After a tour around town we hit the downstairs bar again and claimed our free "Welcome drinks"- Free Ouzo by the bucket load, and your shot glass just keeps getting refilled whenever the bartender says its time for another. At 3 EUR ($6.60 AUD) for a small stubbie, the freebies were needed too! We got a direction to a cheap souvlaki place up the road and ducked out. This place couldn't have been better- The blokes spoke a few english words, but on request fired up Greek music for us, did some Greek dancing, served up awesome $3 AUD souvlakis and after giving us some freebies, sold us a couple of bottles of cheap priced nice greek wine. We left that place laughing, well blurred and stuffed, before hitting another pub where I was bought another couple of beers by Costa, a Greek grandad. I like Greece, but I'm not too sure about this being shouted drinks by blokes...

Day 2 in Athens we signed up for a walking tour of town that took in all the monuments that sadly seemed to evolve into stacks of meaningless white rocks by the end of the day- The akropolis, Platia Kotiza, Theatre of Dionysus, Roman and Greek Agoras, The odeon of Atticus, Library of Hadrian... Most of the sights I navigated our way through the day before, but today was pretty cool because we had the tour guide to give the history of the places. It was also Oci day- A Greek national day where they showed their resistance to Mussolini, so everything was free entry and the entertainment on the streets was pumping. As were the crowds, and we became the salmon swimming upstream time and time again. Bizarre trait of Greek people: Oci (said: Ochi) means No- as they say no, they nod their head as in yes. You can imagine our confusion. Enter a bakery for brekkie:"Do you sell Coffee?" Person nods their heads. We try and order coffee for 10 minutes while the baker getting frustrated with us in greek tries to explain to these idiots that dont understand what nodding your head means. Same in reverse when we finally find a coffee machine in a bakery and they ask in greek if we want 3 coffees, I nod and they stop making the coffee.

After the tour we wound up the daylight hours kicking back on a rooftop bar in our group of 6 new friends. Sipping ouzo, watching the sunset over the Acropolis and surrounding ruins as the town below us resembled a mad ant nest as the festivities of Oci day heated up with street performers and live bands entertaining huge sidewalk coffee shop-lounge bars at maximum capacity. The sidewalks and malls crowded with people dressed to kill, speckled with vendors towing huge colourful bouquets of helium baloons. Somehow I became the group GPS and led the crew back to the hostel, while looking for an open supermarket to get some cheap brews. Not possible on a public holiday we discovered, so after getting home for a shower we reassembled and headed to the Indian Cafe where I met Costa to get some coldies at less than half the price of the extortion that was the hostel bar.

This cafe was pretty cool- decorated with American Indian decor, it was only a block away from our hostel, clean and cheap and they served free tapas with every beer. I had yet another chili eating contest with yet another Canadian and we ate the place out of chilis. After my first 2 rounds, another round rocked up for all 6 of us- bought by the Albanians at the table next door, including Andre the giant in the middle of them with fingers the size of sausages and hands that could crush your puny skull with ease. To say he was intimidating is an understatement. Im not a small bloke and he put me to shame- when he went to show us how to smash a glass bottle over your own head and we heard the glass crack we all slowly backed away. I got bought another round by a couple of Greek blokes again, had a chat to them about how much they hate Albanians and the number one souvlaki place in Athens, and came back to our group to find Andre the giant scaring the crap out of Louise. Somehow I became her husband to get the giant to back off, but all that did was get him to buy me more rounds. 2-3 hours later, the bill for 6 people drinking was 20 Euro. Oh yeah- Scotch here comes in a glass for $10 AUD and you get about 7 shots in the glass. We shot off from the cafe in search of our 1.50 EUR souvlakis, but when we found them closed were heart broken. Luckily another place was still pumping at 2am, and we settled on 1.55 EUR instead. Weird as it seems- Greeks put french fries and Tzatziki in their souvlaki- its out there with Germans putting green and red cabbage in their Doner Kebabs. Still a hell of a lot better than the English "Drown everything in Heinz tomato Sauce" crap though.

A couple more free shots of Ouzo later back at the hostel, we said a goodbye to Nathaniel- the guy politely stalking Elle, the stunning bartender and crashed out.

Cairo: round 2

I didn't like the look of the "Virgin Merry cock" advertised in front of me, and the girls werent too keen on the prices in general so we up and left- The restaurant we were in that is.. Turns out we got taken to a place where we get charged ridiculous prices and tour guides get kickbacks from the restaurant after- maybe if we got into Egypt that day we would have fallen for the 50 pound price just for lunch. We ducked out and headed up the road looking for a feed- Me and Lyn and 3 accountants from Canada- Martine, Wendy and Isobelle. After a few bung options- closed shops, run down shops and cat food parlours, we walked past the best smell we have come across yet so dropped in. The menu was completely in Arabic, so although we could understand the prices, we had no idea if we were ordering a half a cow or a paper napkin. We somehow arsed our way through asking for two "mediums" and three "smalls" via hand gestures and awaited our surprise meals. Surprise it was- 3 different kinds of pasta, 4 different kinds of legumes in a bowl with mixers of chili sauce and tomato paste in a create-your-own style meal. It was the best feed we had in a fair while, and our first real taste of local food. When we went to leave we got the bill and paid for what we thought were Lyn and my meals- turns out we actually paid for the entire group's lunch with our 14 pound price, and we were well fed and stoked. Yep- That's a pricey $4 for 5 meals, and desert.

After getting in with the locals for lunch (the tourist district was WAY behind us) we headed deeper into the fold and trekked up some local streets, leap frogging 8-lane mini highways and weaving through local bazaars in the afternoon peak hour. Walking through the bazaars is a pretty tiring game- you need one eye on the floor to dodge the leg eating puddles with piranhas and typhoid in them, one eye on the road ahead and behind looking for scooters, trucks, bikes and people with their entire shops on their heads running through the market lanes trying to take you out, a third eye on the lookout for low obstacles- scaffold bars, hanging displays, catenary wires... Then theres the market vendors that love jumping in front of you holding a hand made Egyptian cotton shawl that you never knew you needed, but they will convince you otherwise within seconds of you responding to their "Welcome to Cairo! Where you from?" predator call. This day we had a destination in mind though, so it was a beeline from one end of the bazaar to the huge citadel silhouetted on the horizon on top of a giant sand dune overlooking this half of the 20 million strong city. We were told by Imman, the tour guide that took us to the Virgin Merry Cock vending eatery that it was a 15 minute walk. After 45 minutes of it still sitting unreachable on the horizon we realised we had another bum steer from her.

When we finally got to the front wall of the Citadel, we realised scaling the 20 odd metre retaining wall with spires and turrets wasn't going to be an easy achievement, given we left our ladders and trebuchets back in the hotel. As we skirted the walls looking for the lonely planet recommended stair case, we ran into a couple of Cairo locals that kindly let us know the citadel gates closed for the day half an hour ago, but led us through the Islamic city's oldest streets and to the oldest mosque in Cairo. After they asked for 50 pounds each for entry, we smelt a trap again, thanked them and bolted. Unfortunately for us, the previous 20 minutes of walking through 1-lane pot holed winding intersecting streets lined with Egyptians, local shops, run down squat unit blocks and a distinct lack of anything white or western had made us completely lose our way, the sun was setting and we couldn't spot a single landmark or anything remotely familiar. The maps of the area were just shaded green where we were, had no streets marked and there were no street names anyway. I couldn't help but laugh when Lyn told me the guys that led us there moved into the area recently and lost their house for a day after they moved in! It was going on sunset, and we felt the familiar feeling of being lost lambs in a wolves lair. As cute as it started, every single person yelling "Welcome to Cairo! Where you from?" as we neared them became almost a haunting cat-call after a while and our hopes of finding something that could be considered a road were dwindling. The Canadian chicks that were with us had never been down parts of town like this before and they weren't feeling too comfortable, and no ones maps, books or magazines seemed to have the labyrinth of paths we had taken to get to where we were. Enter the saving grace: Cairo's endless array of green-lit mosque spires. We headed into the biggest one we could find, and for the princely sum of $3 each, climbed to see over the canopy of run down unit blocks and get a birds eye view of the town and find a path out. From the top it was pretty amazing- seeing farms, soccer fields, laundries, garbage tips and gardens on rooves, the skyline silhouette covered in satellite TV dishes, and green fluoro mosque towers lighting as the sun sank. In the end, the afternoon couldn't have worked out better- great company, good food, incredible sights of a different side of town to anything we expected and all for less than $10.

I am still amazed at the differences in traditions between here and home. Take for example, the $20 lada car that had its entire damaged passenger's side replaced, bogged up and was being resprayed in the panel beaters alley we were walking down. Just the bog to fix this thing would have been worth more than the car itself, but peoples labour is dirt cheap so there is a totally different take on what is worthwhile and the value of an asset. The kids build cubby houses in trash piles, people use their own rooves as rubbish dumps to insulate from the summer heat, keep their goats with their chickens and ducks on their unit rooves and feed them the weeds that grow in building rubble...

On first glance the place is a slum, but its actually well organised with unwritten laws and understandings that I'm only just beginning to get the hang of. Like the law of passing in a bazaar. People riding a bike with 7000 bread rolls balanced on their head have right of way over a bloke with a sack the size of a car on his head, who wins over kids carrying a sulo-bin sized twined together stack of shoe boxes... But then there is the overall dominatrix: the 80 year old lady. She can turn you to stone with a look, and if you make her drop any of her entire months worth of shopping she has balanced on her head and back while she navigates the bazaar bent double and only able to stare at the bitumen, your life wont be worth living. Not even the scooters trying to run down people that don't leap out of their way mess with these witches.

Earlier in the day me and Lyn had the privilege/painful experience of visiting the Hilton. After we arsed up the dates for our flight out of Cairo to Athena, we had to call Aegean Air to change, and of course we left it to the last minute. In the Hilton, I managed to convince them we had just checked out and they let us use their international phone in exchange for my first born son. 60 pounds and one damn quick phone call later we had our flights re booked and were sorted. Lyn tried to get a water while I sorted the flights, and had a good laugh all the way back out of the shop when told how much it was. I think we dropped the price of real estate in the area as soon as we walked into that place, and they probably locked the doors behind us after we left.

That night we had the final dinner for our tour group and headed to Deals restaurant for a feed with some finale drinks. There was a bit of a speech done for Waleed then we retired back to the hotel for some after drinks on the roof. The dinner was pretty good- Good priced drinks and food, and good company. One of the ladies in the group put on a speech for Waleed as we said our thanks and it was all pretty cool. One thing I'm still not really used to: Tipping. We tipped for meals, drinks, and the tour guide as well. Pretty much the only places you don't tip are the dirt cheap local hangouts where Id be happy to tip anyway because its so much better value and a new experience. A few days ago Waleed too me for a cruise in his car through Cairo from about midnight to 3am and we hit a his local hangout with his brother and a mate of theirs. They both thought I was Egyptian and started talking to me in Arabic when I jumped in the car and waleed pissed himself laughing. After the nightmare bus ride from Sinai we were pretty hungry so got stuck into an Egyptian kebab, washed down with my favourite Egyptian bevvy- the non-alcoholic beer. After showing me the sights and giving us a show of the demo-derby driving style you need to get through your local streets we headed back to the hotel for a couple hours sleep. I dont know how well Waleed slept- He said every time he goes on a tour he leaves his car to his brother and when he gets back theres some new colours of paint on the car from kissing other cars. This time there was white on the Drivers side quarter panel, Red on the RHS Guard, and black on the rear bar. I recommended the old toothpaste trick on the deeper scrapes and he laughed thinking he was the only one that knew about that.

The day after the going away dinner we bummed around the hotel for a bit and made friends with some of the younger staff in the place. Wendy showed us how to make paper origami frogs and we were entertained for a good hour. Its funny how when in holiday mode you can zone out and be content doing SFA- No chance of it happening usually. We traded Lyns Moroccan-Arabic CD of "dance music" (aka: 80 minutes of mobile phone ring tone with a mind numbing synth drum beat to it) for a bunch of English movies and Egyptian-Arabic songs on computer. In the taxi on the way to the airport we learned some more Arabic from the driver, which was "Mashi" and after almost being run off the road by a few trucks got into the airport in time for our 7 bloody hour sit around after our plane broke and a new one needed to be flown in. During this time though we managed to scam free food, free drinks and somehow they didn't boot us out of the Egypt air first class lounge when we slipped past the security guard when he went to the toilet. The Sheiks around us in their pristine white Jalabas and head scarves with matching Gucci leather sandals and briefcases were not impressed.

Hurghada

Picture a Camel.... Now picture it with 8 legs and a fat black furry head. That's what was running up my shorts after getting off the camel in the Hurghada desert after the quad bike riding. I now know why they call them Camel Spiders- I could have put a saddle on it and rode it home. The quad riding started off to a patchy start- The owner laid down the law and ordered anyone that wanted to "play" to go straight back to their hotel. Me being able to follow instructions to the letter, went along with him and had my sights set on an uneventful day of putting along in a straight line with everyone else. haha right. When I saw the guys trying to start a bike with compression lockup, I found my one and it was an awesome choice. After masking up with our head scarves to protect from the sand storms and dust, we jumped on our bikes and headed out of the desert compound we were in and into the sand. I managed to get to last in line behind the supervisors and gave my quad some stick- straight out sideways from idle. A few seconds later I found it was an auto clutch manual as well and was testing its crab walking ability in every gear when another staff member cut me off on a shitty little red farm bike like everyone else had- I thought I was busted. "Get off my bike" he says. crap. After my downgrade of about 300cc's, I sailed off into the desert sunset on Percy, the lop sided, one head lighted little red farm quad. Luckily I was still at the back of the pack though, so managed to get my fix of sideways action and jumps.

After 25km of sand we hit a Bedouin village which kind of surprised me. From what I learned from the Dakar, Bedouins are nomads that live in communal tents- these Bedouins had brick and concrete buildings. After a brief run through of their 1200BC beginnings in Egypt, we walked around the village of around 100 people to have a look. First up was the camel ride and an introduction to that 8 legged animal responsible for the extinction of elephants in Egypt. Then, on the theme of camels, we headed to a building that they used as the local bakery where a couple of stout Bedouin grandmas were cranking out flatbread on a fire "burning with camel shit". It added a nice fragrance to the bread, and I discovered the sand that blows into the dough from swirling winds acts as a natural toothbrush- Creative people. We also checked out their supermarket/butcher/postoffice (A pigeon house), but opted to skip the optional terrarium that was an extra 35 pounds and featured less than half the animals on show on Las Ramblas in Barcelona. After watching the sunset followed by a bbq dinner we raced in the dark across the desert again to get into drinks with the rest of the group.

Hurghada itself is called "the russian city". Though its in Egypt on the Asian Continent part of the country, its population seems to be 6 million Russians and just enough Egyptians to keep the Arabic language alive. It is the first touristy city we have seen, and its strange to see the streets lined with pubs, travel agents, western top end stores and restaurant chains with a thin smear of Egyptian shops- its almost disappointing, but was a nice change from what we have been used to the past 2 weeks. We headed to an African restaurant for drinks, and as wel were getting ready to leave they put on a Nubian dance show so had to stick around for another few rounds after our free Bacardi cola. I convinced everyone to head to a club I saw down the road- "Matrix" after our great run at the Matrix in Belgium. Bad move. There were about 5 blokes in the place, but it looked sweet and drinks were cheap so we stuck around for a bit. I got stuck into an Egyptian brew: Mister Max- its an 8% malt beer. After heading back to the hotel, I met up with Waleed for a drink and a while later When he pointed out to me it was quarter past four, I headed to bed before our 7am wakeup call.

After the bender at the pub, we needed a decent recovery feed for our start to the day and by chance, it happened to be the best breakfast I've had in a while. There was a crepe chef, an egg chef, cascading shelves that looked like some kind fountain spewing bakery products and so much more! On the point of spewing, our next stop was the ferry from Hurghada in African Egypt, across the red sea to Sharm El Sheik in Asian Egypt. We got a ride in a minibus to a place not far up the beach from where we were staying- It had a sign in Arabic saying "ferry terminal" but its more of a refuse site. After getting off the bus and dodging the trash piles all the way to the ferry, we we rent sure what to expect with the hydrofoil ride across the sea- The lonely planet says you are in trouble when the crew walk around giving out sea sickness pills. Well they didn't on this occasion so we thought we were going to be fine. haha- no. When we saw two ship stewards carrying a woman to the toilets in the middle of a swell that would put a mechanical bull to shame we knew we were in for a good ride. The constant beeline of people making their way to the toilets said the same as well. Lyn made the mistake of walking into the toilets during the trip and walked straight back out- I wont go into the detail she did, but apparently the plumbing was blocked and it was not far off a bath. When they turned down the air con half way through the 3 hour ride, I discovered how funky it smelt too. Getting off the boat into the fresh air and flat immobile ground felt about as good as breakfast. Looking around at the waters surrounding Sharm, I was pretty stoked to be able to see straight to the bottom of the crystal clear aqua and am hanging to get stuck into the snorkel ling this arvo.

haha... we just drove past a goat on some blokes roof, eating his thatching. Oh yeah- it rains here once every 3 years- he can fix it next year.

After the ferry ride that resembled the landcruiser-gravitron, we bussed it to Dahab. Wow. This place is like one huge beach party that has become a self sustaining. We got in for lunch and parked our arses on a floor setting of hundreds of cushions, about 2m away from the red sea lapping at the gazebo floor we were on. As we looked over the sparkling turquoise water saying g'day to passing people riding horses through the surf, we got stuck into some great food, cold beers and impressive fruit cocktails. Me, Lyn and two other blokes went in for some snorkeling, and after spending half our time getting sorted for gear, we only had 30 minutes in the water. It was pretty cool- huge schools of tiny fish, some colourful others scattered around and some cat-fish looking things in groups munching on the barren sea floor. I decided to head up the point a bit to check it out and after I had weaved past the 5 diving schools running classes, it was like winning the chook raffle. There was a wall of coral that just appeared and seemed to extend as far as I could see, and with about 10m visibility it just kept going. The wall of coral started from the rocky shore and a few metres from shore went from the surface to deeper than I cared to free dive. When I first saw it I was so blown away I almost swam straight into a lion fish. Cheers Luci for showing me how to motor backwards underwater, or Id be typing this from a hospital bed. I lost count of the fish I saw- everything I could recognise including coral trout, bluebone, stonefish, lion fish, jellyfish, sea anemonies, angel fish... It was like a rainbow across the sides of every other fish, weaving through passages between every pastel colour of coral. I see now why they gave brain coral its name. Aside from the lucid green colour of this stuff It reminded me of silence of the lambs and Farva beans.

That arvo we got into our hotel near Mount Sinai, and got a first hand experience of old Norwegian ladies in religious tour groups. It was kind of like being in a sheep pen at feeding time. As our group tried to make our way through the door of the restaurant in single file, we were crashed into by a number of 1.5 metre tall grannies that had to get to the salted goats cheese before anyone else. Michelle had her bag knocked off her, I got ran into 3 times, and everyone else seemed to have the same. Given their size, it was being in a mini game of snooker. On getting desert, we were queued for serving and another of the mini-babushkas shoves infront of lyn and goes to grab a plate. Lyn cracks it, grabs a plate and jumps infront of the woman, still rifling through the stack of plates as though she needs a particular design from the mountain of china infront of her- She isn't impressed- game on. As lyn is serving herself up some coconut pudding, the woman huffs and jumps infront of lyn to get some baklava, so lynda, with the dexterity of a ballerina, leapfrogs this woman to get stuck into some mini sponge further up the serving table. I was trying not to piss myself laughing when babushka here stomped her foot like the angry dragon she was and hissed steam out of her nose. Beaten at her own game haha! I almost wet myself laughing again the next day at the burning bush in St Catherines Temple of Sinai when the same tour group rocked up and they played the same pinball game with our group in a moderately crowded square. I was wondering why I got walked into 3 times in a minute, then turn around to see its the same shrinking geriatric each time. I am still trying to come to grips a later altercation: getting grinded into a wall by an old lady in some unappreciated groin to arse action- she just wouldnt stop backing up even when she had me against a wall... You win round two babushka.

Oh yeah- went for the sleep walk from hell this morning: Sunrise at Mount Sinai. 2678m of mountain, topped with 770 rock steps at the summit. We were up at 1:30am, started the climb not long after that in hand-numbing cold (yep- shorts were the dumbest choice I could have made) and played dodge the camels on the side of a mountain. We climbed by torchlight through kiosks made of rock selling just cold drinks (at ambient temps), energy bars and thick coagulated tar-coffee. We stopped at some of the kiosks to get stuck into our snacks of bikkies, dates and laughing cow cheese accompanied by the vocal chorus of camels belting out their renditions of "a cow being devoured by a roaring lion" emanating from the darkness all over the mountain. At the half way mark, we split 6 people from our original group of 15 and we made a beeline up the torturous rock steps to the summit. At the top, the view was a more than reward. As the dawn light filled the valleys surrounding us, we realised where the last 5 hours of climbing went, and as the sky set fire and seemed to burn, we saw the first signs of the sun rearing its head and took in the views around. This is probably one of the first sunrises I have seen deliberately, not just on the way home from a drinking institution- as good as it was, I hope the next one is a long way away- 1:30am is not a wakeup time in anyones language.

Wow... We have just experienced first hand what happens when you don't employ smart engineers. The Suez canal (Big strip of water- used to move boats between Africa and Asian continents...) has a tunnel. Creatively called the Suez Canal Tunnel, we have been waiting in a traffic jam 2.5 hours to get into it to go back to Cairo- Usually a 6 hour drive. It rained, the tunnel has no drainage, and there are crews clearing it- dozers, blokes, utes, fire trucks, and us parked up watching people queue by the bus and truck load in the jam we are in. Crazy.

Oh wait... 2 hours down the track we have another traffic Jam. 10 hours in the bus and the same 15 minutes of rain that killed the Suez tunnel has now flooded part of the national highway 80km out of Cairo. I seriously thought we were next to a river- there was floating sand passing us on the other side of the road. It wasn't until a dozer came past trying to scrape the mud off the road that I noticed there is a hard surface under it. As I type this our bus is doing a mild river crossing under the guidance of army men in gum boots with guidance lights. We have already passed a bogged bus that tried to overtake us then sunk into the mud 500m later and a rolled and burnt bus from the same mud... I hope i make it back.

Luxor

I'm reporting Lynda to RSPCA- I guess the A would stand for Africa though. Today we got up at a sparrows fart to mount some "sturdy donkeys" and ride through from the Nile's west bank to the valley of the kings in Luxor, Egypt. Waleed, our guide gave us a heads up on what to expect which pretty much consisted of two things- 1- you will be pissing yourself laughing most of the way and 2- the animals only think they are a head and they forget they have a body attached. After spending an hour or two on these things, I cant argue. One girl in the group, Isobelle had a mental case starved donkey- he would race as fast as he could for 200m, then stop dead to munch on grass on the side of the road. Because he stopped so quickly though the following donkeys would plow straight into him and it was a Donkey Demo Derby again and again.

Lynda was the only person that managed to floor her donkey though- It stopped for the ol juicy juicy green grass and it got cleaned up by another bloke so well that it went straight down in a spectacular show. I would have got some snaps of it, but we were only passengers and had as much control over these things as the police have over the local traffic. The little horses were pretty fun though, aside from their desire to try and take your knees out passing parked cars, poles, pillars, kerbs and anything else that they can find. I got T-Boned a good 20 times and crashed into other peoples donkeys just as many times but it was awesome. It was like mx riding, bumper cars and a comedy show all in one. On the way back they got into full gallop and I had to struggle to stay on top I was laughing that hard. To top it off, we passed a local farmer heading the other direction that had corn stacked a metre or 2 tall on top of his donkey. Our group of donkeys just made a beeline straight for him and his crop and mauled it! In a flash of grey fur and green stalks, there was corn, donkey heads and people all over the shop. This local had no idea what was going on and most of our group were helpless passengers as our beasts smashed through this guys daily harvest tugging him all directions as they ripped leaves off him.

On getting to the valley of the kings it was pretty busy and hot. We had set off at 5am, but by the time we got there it was packed out with tourists. We walked up to the tombs and got a run through of the area and its history by our local guide Mustafa. Unfortunately, most of us were walking zombies after only a few hours sleep the night before, so as I fell asleep standing up, wobbling around in concentric circles I dreamed of a comfy bed while Mustafa gave a run through of the tomb carvers from the Deir El Medina and the history of the tombs. The tombs themselves were interesting, carved into the sides of a limestone valley, with a thin plastering over the interior walls and colourful hieroglyphics carved into this. There were signs all about that said do not take photos, and I was about to ignore them until I saw a bloke in a Jalaba in the corner staring people down. The french chick behind me didn't see him though, but did after her flash went off and he ran to her yelling and trying to take her camera with her protesting loudly then pushed her out the exit. Funny. After she managed to get out of that one though she insisted on poking the fenced off walls of the tomb which set the bloke off again... Frenchies!

Luxor has been an eye opener in a few ways. Its pretty much made up of Nubian people- they are one of the many cultures of people that rely on the Nile for their survival and income. The city itself is the common mix of grand looking cheaply made facades, neons and tourist shops on main roads, and back streets populated by markets on broken ground with dim lighting and cheaper produce. Scattered in between are street vendors, herds of horses with carts and groups of locals wondering where to hang out seeing as theres no pubs about. On the main esplanade there is teams of salesmen spruiking their goods- Peanuts, Cigarettes, feluca (sail boat) rides, water taxis, horse carriages and souvenirs. Its not uncommon to get chased up a street for 500m while they try and flog you something you are not after. At one stage me and Lyn walked all the way from our ship to the Internet cafe while a bloke tried for all he was worth to sell us a horse and cart ride to where we were going. Its a funny sight- as soon as you step off the boat, people are doing cat-calls for you, all you can hear is spriukers yelling at you from the street and even after you make it past them, every taxi that passes you by honks at you as advertising. Next to the dock where we were one of 50 ships, there are flashing neon NO HORN signs. I cracked a grin when a taxi sat on the horn as he overtook a police car on the wrong side of the road right next to the sign.

The night before was a Galabea party on the cruise ship. We got into full dress again - both blokes and chicks, and the ship put a few entertainers on. The first up was "stick dancers" yep- exotic name that seems to have an air of mystery around it right? Yeah- they were two blokes that spun a stick while they pranced on the dance floor. At least Charlie chaplain had a hat! I was more impressed by the Sophie dancer- This guy spun around for about 25 minutes solid at top speed doing stuff- blindfolded, with objects, with his dress over his head... I know me and mates have tried the old spinning round party trick after a few quiet beers, and I have found I can get to about 30 seconds of spinning before "someone" runs sideways, bounces off the sofa and smashes a new CD stereo. This guy stopped after 20 minutes and managed to throw and catch things and there was no furniture bashing or smashing involved anywhere. I wish I could say the same for the belly dancers- the one that came out first was pretty good. The second one people called a beer belly dancer, and most people agreed there had to be cast iron reinforcing in her bra- its strength put roman arches to shame. I think my eyes melted a little. After the party I caught up with our captain who really seems to enjoy saying my name and had a local smoke with him in the crew area. I now understand why the ship performs maneuvers so slowly. "Dude... seen my cruise ship keys? oh wait- the boats already running". Again the last to bed in the ship, I left the captain and Waleed to sort out munchies and I crashed out for my 3 hours sleep.

That morning we went into the Edfu temple on the Nile to see the place. Its definitely been the best condition temple we have seen so far- Huge detail in all the hieroglyphics, staues and all that. The entire road there was awash with 4 person horse carriages that choked every street, car park, checkpoint and intersection in town. As our bus driver snaked at speed around blind corners to weave between the jingling horses and their bling carriages, I was grateful the nutcase bus drivers back home are those that just talk to themselves, get you to try and repair midnight buses or sing out loud to no music, and not like this looney that has almost halved the horse population in Egypt in just one morning. Inside the huge temple- the second biggest in Egypt, the carvings in the walls are all 3D, and have everything in perfect detail- correct muscles tense for different movements, perfect proportion of the subjects and intricate detail on each thing. I only wish I could read ancient egyptian so I could get some of those recipes on the recipe wall. The temple was built by a pharoah that married his enemy and war opponent of 10 years' daughter. She was a Nubian, whose race has given me a laugh. eg: They are only allowed to marry within their family to keep their blood lines pure. Pure what... incest and genetic deformaties? I am told it is because of their overwhelming population that Efud and Aswan have achieved the status of "Dumbest cities in Egypt". Within 15 minutes of being in the city, we saw an excel hold up traffic to drag race a motorcycle then almost kill the rider, and a new Mercedes reversing up the main street, through a roundabout and set of red lights while buses, peak hour traffic and horse and carts dodged him in another familiar chorus of horns.

The night before I had round two of bartering with shop owners in Efud. I took my sandals back to get fixed after they broke at the first Jalaba party, and hit the shop I got them from to get some repairs. I told the guy I'd be back in an hour and took off to watch Waleed in a game of indoor soccer on an outdoor pitch. When I headed back to get the sandals, Waleed came with me and took charge of the situation before I even got a word out. Within a minute, the owner was yelling, Waleed was yelling, sandals were waving and Im standing there with no idea what is happening. I have now learned that "Thong" is Australian for "Flip Flop" which is English for the arabic "Ship Shape". I know this because between when the 3 tourist police got involved in the argument, I heard "Ship Shape" get yelled a few thousand times. Come the end of it all, it was 2am and we returned my original sandals for a woman's Abaya, took the abaya across town and changed it for a new set of sandals. The sandals are 5 sizes too small for me, but both me and Waleed had had enough of it all so just took our consolation prize to leve them for our beds and a few hours sleep before our 4:30am start.

The morning involved a trip to Abu Simbal which is 250km and 5 security checkpoints out of Aswan in Egypts south- That place is impressive! After building a the "High dam" in the Nile 111m tall, The river started rising and the people discovered when a water level rises 111m, some things that were not under water before now become very historical fish tank ornaments. This posed problems for the 100,000 odd nubian people in a nearby village, not to mention all the other historical stuff around that is now more than a little wet. One such thing- The temples of Abu Simbal. They were moved under the orders of UNESCO in 1961 to a location 60m higher, and this was done by basically relocating the entire hill they were carved out of and reconstructing it piece by piece at a higher level 200m away. To see the efforts they went to is amazing, and to know the entire 2 hills that these things form were cut into pieces and reformed is crazy! We heard the story of an Italian bloke that discovered them originally and spent 3-4 years camped out in the 1800's manually digging sand out by hand to try and rob the tombs. Unfortunately they were bare, but the egyptian government thanks you coz now they dont need to hire archaeologists to do a dig. On arriving to Abu Simbal we noticed there were about 7 Egyptian Eagles circling over the tombs which looked pretty cool and was pretty coincidental- all the tombs have black eagle wings spread across their ceilings as symbols of protection. For the trip in, as cool as "Armed convoy" sounds, I found it a bit of a let down. Our version of the armed convoy involved us, a bus of half asleep tourists, with one heavily armed passed out bloke sitting behind the driver. I have no idea where the "convoy" part came from- There was just us and the mirages for most of that 250km trip. The whole bus had a nervous laugh when we returned from the temple back to the coach and the guard just pulled his AK-47 off the luggage rack. Im wondering though- Every copper and guard here seems to have a different gun. I was trying to figure out if the guns were just like a "show and tell" item that you bring and try and out do your workmates with, or if they were the harvest of our last gun buy-back scheme, exported to Egypt. I later found it is the former- You can bring in to work whatever gun you want. Maybe they accessorise by matching magazines with their shoes or something.

Its sad to be leaving the cruise ship- It has been a huge highlight soo far- no need to repack the backpack every other day and move rooms just topped it off. The beers have been frosty, easy to get and cheap, and the food and staff onboard were great. The captain that ccant really speak english too well twisted my arm into trying a shisha- its basically a huge bong for smoking flavoured tobacco. I had no idea these things had a legitimate purpose! I tried apple which was bizarre- the smoke was quite weak compared to a cigarette and had an aniseed and fruity taste. After 30 minutes and it was still going strong, Im told my eyes were as red as the coals firing the tobacco kiln I was stoking. Back to the boat, over the week I lost count how many times I went up to the splash pool up on the sun deck and lazed about with a cold brew. Actually I was reminded this morning when I went to settle my bar tab- 12 pounds per half litre bottle of Stella, and the bill got to 624 pounds which is pretty reasonable, and I know the old smuggled onboard roadies helped keep that cheap too.

As we weave our way through barren desert highways flanked by scattered hills of granite and sand I cant wipe the grin from my face- This afternoon I have organised for a quad bike ride- 5 hours/25km on quads, then a camel ride to a sunset dinner for about $60 AUD. I have gone the last 2 months without any motor sports and Im going insane- No, 4-wheeling in a hire car doesnt count, its expected. Im pretty sure I have been changing gears in my sleep while making turbo noises as withdrawl symptoms. If I break a leg and have to suffer through another arduous hour atop a camel enroute to some hospital, Ill still have a smile on my dial. Well, that is until I have to deal with the insurance company again- Im still waiting on word to see if my camera stolen 2 months ago is covered. Maybe I should go easy on them- Theres a good chance the Carrier pigeon from Morocco that had my claim forms could have contracted bird flu. Actually the chances it got eaten are pretty good too- Here they have large elaborate tall domes attached to houses that I assumed were fish smokers... nope. They are pigeon houses to house family dinners before they hit the oven.

Alexandria

"9 out of 10 men that try camel recommend a woman instead". Yeah, funny the first time but I'm getting sick of seeing the same damn shirt all the way through Egypt- but who knows maybe it will become a fashion brand on its own like those damn "I-heart-N-Y" shirts. Personally I'm still a bigger fan of the "THERES NO KANGAROOS IN AUSTRIA" tops. As we cruised the markets last night I couldn't help but feel like a seasoned veteran as we showed some new comers in our group the ropes- how to haggle, how to fob sales people off and the most important: "La'a, Shokran!" (No thank you). I started small getting waters down from 10 to 2 pounds for the group, but Lynda had her place in the food chain well sorted out as we visited a scarf trader in the markets and she got paid a commission for the business she brought. It was funny to see the newbies agree to prices of 150 for a scarf when Lyn was walking out with them for 20. While she was haggling over scarves for 20 minutes I was entertained by making a bloke set fire to a few belts that I never actually wanted to buy, but he insisted. Pyro.

I was on a mission for two things- underwear after I noticed mine had all disappeared after a run in with a disgruntled laundry attendant in Czech, and beers because I was sick of paying the $4 AU for a pint on the boat. Yeah- I know it was extortion, especially at half the price of back home and in a Muslim country that doesn't really drink. I have to say I failed pretty spectacularly on both accounts- After nearly dropping my dacks to show what "underwear" is for blokes (I now know they are "undershorts" in Egypt- handy knowledge!), and having half a dozen black market shops shoo me out for offering offensive prices for beers, I had no luck at all. It still gives me a laugh though asking a 80 odd year old granny huddled at an empty drinks stall "Stella?" and she looks at you suspiciously for a minute, then leads you to the back fridge in her shop and under 3 layers of water bottles, under a t-shirt and inside a sealed box she reveals what you want while keeping an eye on the door for police. Unfortunately she also wants $10 AUD for a small can, and I'm not a sucker. Enter the bartering with a crippled pensioner over an illegal item, and though I know I should feel sorry for her and all, its her standing between me and a cheap cold brew, so the battle is on and im taking no prisoners.

After another tiring night of bartering in the Markets I retired back to the boat with our fearless leader on the top deck for another night cap. Its a pretty good send off before bed and as we chatted about the similarities of stoners over the world (PlayStation, munchies and a vast knowledge of how to relax) we watched the huge floating apartment blocks that we are residing on perform the worlds slowest game of leapfrog as a ship against the dock pushed off the other 4 attached to it, cruised off and the others re-assembled back on the jetty in their formation. Once again the last ones to bed from our entire ship I couldn't help but think how a contiki tour would be different... oh yeah- theres no pubs in this town, so there wouldnt be contiki here! An Egyptian business idea I seriously contemplated bringing back to Aus: In shops here, you can rent a room with your mates that has: Tv, Playstation, Fridge. It sounds awesome and you can run amok in there... until I realised everyone that wants a playstation in Aus can just buy one- Its not 5 years wage for them.

Today we did camels. Our group, minus Helen (who tore part of a ligament after Paul the picture taking oldie fell ontop of her when we beached our Felucca yesterday) set sail for the far side of the Nile and headed towards the Nubian village in Aswan. For ships of the desert, they sure dont have alot of comfort with their stinky breath, phlegm factories on overtime and watering the sand at the most inopportune moments, but damn they have a class of their own. Enormous fat feet for weight distribution on sand, huge eyelashes to keep out sandstorms, raked back ears to shelter from the wind.. We mounted our ships with no idea what to expect. After being close to thrown over "Mickey mouse's" head when he tried to stand, I then played a game of 'dont die' until my guide found that my saddle wasnt actually tied to my camel and sorted it out for me. It was pretty cool cruising around on these things up and down sand dunes, but I still couldnt shake the "I wish I had my landcruiser or trail bike" feeling. Actually I just wished I had anything with handles to stop me falling off or a steering wheel. Driving a camel was on par with driving my first car the troopy- you can steer it, but it may choose to laugh at you and go wherever the hell it wants. I guess Im just lucky my troopy didnt t-bone and smash into as many others as my camel did today, but I cant say much- I'd be doin the same if I was a camel.

On the ferry cruise back to our side of the nile we all compared war stories from our camel rides and discussed our days plans as we shuffled, bow legged, back to the ship. Me and Lyn were off to an internet cafe to sort our the next month of our trip- As it turns out, the Greek party islands are all set for a party, they are just missing the people and closing up this weekend. The new plan is pretty much Cairo-Athens, Thessaloniki, Istanbul, Sofia, Belgrade, Sarajevo, Split, Hvar, Italy, Marseilles, Paris, London, back to work, yaaaay. We did real well on this occasion and managed to book our flights out of egypt, and subsequent accommodation on incorrect dates so have managed to miraculously set ourselves backward in progress after 4 hours on the net.

Im starting to think that getting a decent illness here and claiming a packet on travel insurance would just be easier to do to get home- I reckon Medibank would make a decent travel agent. who knows- we might not even have to try to pick anything up after we went for a swim in the nile yesterday. Seriously- I think I have found the worlds second richest oil field aside from the UAE- Its floating ontop of the nile river. Oh- no need to pick up anything exotic here I have now found. The docks here for cruise ships are about 1km long. Thats not short, but there is also about 60 cruise ships here too. Our ship is the fourth away from the jetty in our berth and to walk to it we have to walk the plank of the ship closest the dock, then through 3 other liners front doors, foyers, then out the exit and again into the next ship, repeat. At each ship's entry they have a crew member assigned to "Head Watcher". As elaborate as that title may be, he has one role: to say "Watch your head" as anyone walks past. I almost pissed myself laughing as a musical rendition of "Watch your head" came individually from each one of the 8 blokes having a smoko out front of our ship today. Of course, the day the head watcher trusts us and doesnt say it is the day Lynda clocks her head on the steel ceiling haha.

MS Melodie on the Nile

Well we made the train- finally. The cairo peak hour (We are told cairo has 24 peak hours a day) at 9pm started its traffic jam 20km outside of town. We just parked up on the road and seemed to roll forwards every now and then. If it wasnt for the "skills" of our driver cutting off a rushing ambulance and using them to clear us a path, we probably would have missed that train. I feel for the ambo drivers here- the .regular drivers are pricks. Someone puts an indicator on to change lanes (which is polite and unheard of) and the other cars around block all gaps, honk their horn and flash high beams consistently at the person that needs to change lanes. I totally understand why I saw another ambo driving the wrong way up a 3 lane dual carriage way now.

The sleeper train was pretty cool.. it was as nice as the Spain one, but this time we had first class, so the beds were about half a foot longer so I didnt have to do the foetal position all night long and there were only 2 people per room. We also got served up a dinner that our tour leader said we shouldnt touch. haha! Me and lynda have finely tuned noses for salmonella-free food, and this passed with flying colours- aka it didnt smell like socks so we got stuck into it. I think we won the lotto that night because over the next few days it seems most other people copped something that confined them to a small round porcelain bowl for a day or two but we were in the clear. After dinner and a $10 AUD mini can of beer in the smoke choked club car, I retired back to our room which my laptop had now turned into a cinema entertaining half our tour group and later crashed out for the night, rocked to sleep by the shuddering trainlines, listening to the lullaby of metal on metal grinding brake discs.

The next morning I remembered to dodge the oranges for breakfast after seeing part of my tour group using them as breast implants while belly dancing in the club car... I guess egyptian wine does different things to people. We rolled into the station, packed our bags and set off through Luxor to our home for the next 6 nights: The MS Melodie. Its a 4-storey cruise boat with a sundeck and splash pool ontop, licensed for about 150 people and pretty nice inside - ie: It has a bar. We got stuck into sight seeing in Luxor straight away and hopped onto horse-drawn carriages to head to the nearby temple of Karnak. This palace is huge, being progressively built over 2000 years and is still well impressive- alot of the columns are in great condition, covered in heiroglyphics and some still with paint on after 2000 years! The place had been used as a Coptic cathedral after Ra the sun god lost his appeal, and it was a shame to see stuff like egyptian goods chiseled off the walls, and cheesy stencils of jesus on there, and one of the worse bits: A huge statue of a Osiris annd Cleopatra had been smashed into the shape of the crucafix to suit the latter occupiers of the cathedral. The thing that most impressed me: a 350 tonne obelisk covered in etchings balancing on its stone foundations, towering over everything else around it. How the hell you move, shape and erect a solid piece of granite that damn heavy without a 500 tonne crane is incredible. Still to this day no one knows how it got up there.

That night we set off on the Melodie- I can definately get into the cruise lifestyle. Booze is on credit, so it seems freee! (for now) you laze around all day, eat food and just kick back. When we eventually pulled into Edfu, we did the 10 minute tour of town and most people headed back to crash out on the boat. Me and Lyn, in keeping with being the last ones to bed each night went for a bit more of a walk and a shop. After being shouted a few mmint teas by local vendors we set off to find a cheaper option for the 12 pound beers on the boat. The night before we picked up a bunch foor 6 Pound each, so I figured it was a safe bet- At the only place I found that had alcohol in their beers, I was told 25 pound each. I told the bloke how much I'd pay and he yelled I was crazy and laughed me out of his store haha.

A short walk up the road we had a win though with a qualified lawyer that spoke 5 languages- He sent his younger brother up the road to get them for us while we chillaxed in his shop, had a tea and he tried to convert us to islam. He gave me a laugh when he got on his soapbox about being devout, avoiding all vices and obeying the qaran. His younger brother pointed out he maybe shouldnt be smoking hash while telling us he is so pure, but as we have learned hashish is considered in a loose way to be acceptible as its alcohol that is the evil thing that brings shame to you and your family, and hash is widely accepted. Speaking with other people its the same- If they were caught with beer at home or booze on their breath, its a boot up the arse. If they are smoking hash, well so what- its only hash! Contrast to western society hey. Back on the boat at 2am I stashed my smuggled on booze and crashed out. The day before I had been warned by the captain if you bring booze onboard its a 50 Pound corkage fee no matter what it is. He told me this when he saw my Ouzo getting dished out and he got all worked up but I got off the charge when I told him it was my birthday. Scam! He disappeared after that, then came back with boxes of chips to celebrate! Thats my 3rd day of birthday celebrations.

After another day of chill out on the boat we hit another temple, Kom Ombo and had a run through there. Egyptians continue to amaze me- They founded the cesarian, created the first antiseptic, paper, carried out the first brain surgery... This temple was a tribute to their health knowlegde and surgery skills and showcased their surgical tools, skills and procedures here. As we have learned, there were not so much libraries to pass on knowledge, but more artists employed to carve relief on the walls to pass on the learned skills. I can only guess how many floods wiped out their archives before they caught onto that stuff. I reckon it explains their national project of "Archiving the internet" Seriously... Thats like trying to make a zoo with every living organism in it. Its about as realistic as a stairway to heaven and if its ever completed, will be as useful as Meeting Minutes from your local lumberjacks' association.

After we saw the sun sink into the palm trees over the nile we started to get fired up for the next event- The Galabea party. Basically everyone gets in their egyptian get up and theres a traditional meal and belly dancing and stuff. It was pretty good- A great laugh and those remaining beers from Edfu went down a treat without "Bob the builder" the skipper with eyes in the back of his head catching on. After another great feed, a bunch of games and festivities including the last of my ouzo, me and Lyn found ourselves the last of the other 150 odd people on board to be awake so fired up alien Vs Predator with some of the crew after I had a hazy encounter with our tour leader on the deck of the boat. I learned a new game on par with mud wrestling tonight as well- Its musical chairs, but with spoons not chairs, and get people to play it after a fair few drinks in belly dancing outfits. All the spectators were rolling around laughing when the girls started wrestling on the dance floor over a spoon. Im stoked to say though, my team nailed it and came home with the goods- the others just got bruises.

Alexandria

I swear I have just seen the Russian Kamaz training team for the Dakar rally fly past us, and not the car or bikes. This 12 tonne truck overloaded with stacked timber wider than the truck tray and overhanging the top of the cab just blew past us at over 100 on the semi-flooded highway from Alexandria to Dakar. I mean Cairo. He was weaving between lancers, mercs and other trucks surrounded by a blinding halo of mud spray and rocks. I guess there was an emergency scaffold that needed to go up somewhere. I have had a laugh a few times at the fact that the ancient Egyptian architects were better planners than their modern day counterparts. For example- Pyramids never flood. Egypt (a desert country) national highways do every time it rains. Apparently building concrete walls flanking a highway all the way down a sand dune and not installing drains is tradition- I guess it makes for additional business for the traffic planners tow truck driving brother too with the smashes and dead vehicles after a downpour.

We are slowly getting to grips with the road system here too- on main roads there is no such thing as a left hand turn across traffic- you go right with the traffic, and do U-turns. It took us 65 minutes- No lie- to get out of the main street of Alexandria in peak hour. Running out of a fuel became an issue. The street had its share of entertainment though- just take the bulk taxis. They are like mini-van buses that only go when full and pick people up as they drop them off. "Drop them off" is really what it is- the driver doesn't stop. You slide open the door and bail out when he slows- the same as public buses. The vans are harder to get into though with the sliding door though and only a handle on one side of the door. We saw a lady with her kid barely make it on a minivan, then her baby had to get passed through the window by a friend running alongside the van because they don't stop. On top of that a lady was almost in a van, the driver floored it and she fell out, almost getting dragged along outside as she gripped the only handle, and when someone must have yelled at the driver, he slammed on the brakes then like watching a bad horror movie the sliding door of the van slammed her in the side and head.

Outside of the city of 17 million people, we checked out the Catacombs, Pompey's Pillar and the Egyptian museum. The Pillar was another head scratcher... When Egypt was ruled by Pompey under Caesar, there was an tax for a huge amount of grain and food to be sent to Rome. One year there was drought and the Egyptians kept their harvests to keep themselves alive, but the Romans cracked it and sent an army to clear their granaries leaving the Egyptians to starve to death. Further down the track, the romans gave the smallest portion back and in thanks the locals dragged this 550 tonne granite pillar across the country and stuck it on its ear- Pompeii's columns. Wtf.

Went for lunch today at a street side cafe overlooking 12 lanes of psycho traffic and then the Mediterranean. While there a bloke wouldn't stop bugging me to clean my shoes and forgetting the Em'Shee from previous encounters, I dropped my shoes and kept eating. He returns them stained some shade of pink dye, the once white suede looking like the gay rainbow with running colours and they are now covered in crap that has turned my hands pink. I'm going to slap the next bloke that offers to clean my shoes.

Well the "3 hour no traffic, but so far its taken 2 hours to do 5% of the journey" is underway- I hope we get onto our night sleeper train before it leaves Cairo in a few hours. Actually I hope we live through this soaking highway of psycho truck rally drivers and honking chicken transporters- That would be nice. To pass the time and stay out of the stare-down comps the other drivers keep challenging me to, I have tried my hand at decryption and successfully nutted out the translation of English numbers to Arabic. Without realising it I've become the Rosetta stone for shopping in the markets and ill be selling my skills for pints of the local "Stella" later. Stella we have seen for "7/0." (thats $6.50).

Cairo

After getting into the airport in Cairo, we had a reenactment of the Morocco welcoming. Before you even get close to leaving the airport you get swarmed by every other bloke in the city that has a car offering to drive you where you want to go, sell you a hotel room for the night and sell you carpets. I'm not sure about the last one- the lack of sleep was showing its head and my hearing was on its way out. After some good old fashioned 4am haggling over prices, we got a taxi to drive us "Yes I know" we learned means just get in my cab and I'll get you lost. After stopping for directions 3 or 4 times later we were close to our hotel.

The first intro to Egypt seems pretty similar to Morocco- infrastructure is old and ageing, not maintained and its a free-for-all take to everything from tourists to city traffic. We also got introduced to another Egyptian tradition: The unfinished building. Basically building tax is charged on completion of a structure, so people have found they can save 10 odd percent of construction costs by leaving a building incomplete. In the case of the Cairo airport built in 1950, that means 50 years with no car park. I was wondering why there was so many tow trucks at the front of the airport until we were led to our "taxi" aka some bloke's car- parked on the soft sand that is has been the car park the past half century. This incomplete building thing sounded like a pretty smart cost saver to me, until we got into the city where I reckon 80% of the buildings are unfinished and some are 40+ years old. No huge surprise about a 14 storey apartment block collapsing a few months back- With all the rusting Reo bar poking out of unfinished load bearing pillars on roof tops, apparently no one has heard of concrete cancer.

We rode down a 8 lane highway to our hotel in Cairo Mohanessin that had 3 lanes marked on it- I was wondering why for about 20 seconds. Same as Morocco, lane markings are only there for decorations. As our taxi snaked left and right, we had a good sleep-deprived hysterical laugh- especially when he swerved across 2 lanes to try and knock out some pedestrians with his wing mirrors, then again for 2 blokes changing a blown tyre on the side of the road. I still haven't figured out which is more offensive yet- the horn or the high beams, but we seemed to dish out equal measures of each. Driving here seems to be a hand on the horn, the other on the dip switch. Buses are the exception- they don't honk or anything because they just nail you and you learn to run from them. I'm just glad I saw that old bloke cop it and not me- the bus didn't stop or anything!

When we got to the hotel, it turns out they didnt get our numerous emails or anything like that. We did manage to get a room at 4am though and I've never been so happy- I think I was at 50 hours with no sleep. At the hotel, The bloke at reception pointed out I tried to pay him a 50 Piaster note for the room (that's Egyptian cents) and it took me way to long to understand what he was on about. Turns out I got rolled when buying our visas at the airport change office in my daze and got given a bunch of cents notes instead of Egyptian pounds. doh. I stood there like a stunned mullet when he gave me a one pound coin and bunch of 50 piaster notes as change- turns out he just wanted to see me struggling to piece together puzzles when I was barely able to stand up. Nice guy.

After our 12 hour sleep we stumbled out the door for a hike through town, got lost, almost got ran over, saw some city sights like the 6th of October bridge and the 22nd of June Street, stole a map of Cairo from a coffee shop and checked out some random shops like the 80's lighting store, the marble shop in the slums and a shop that sold pirated audio cassettes. Top stuff. That night, at the end of our tour group meeting back at the hotel, the lights in our restaurant blacked out and next thing I know theres a birthday cake getting wheeled in! Cheers to Waleed our guide- that was unexpected! Lyn also shouted us dinner after at a nearby steakhouse after and we had a meal with an Irish couple Kevin and Michelle in our tour group which was awesome.

Pyramids and tombs today- I heard from our Perth travel agent "Once you've seen one, you've seen them all" I'm not sure what he would recommend for the next 14 days then, but these things are awesome. Giza is 15 minutes out of Cairo, or a 50 minute laugh by bus if theres traffic. We almost pincered 2 pedestrians between other cars, almost hit a fair few motorbikes, and I lost count how many times someone said "WOAH! They almost crashed". When we got to the pyramids it was pretty cool. More of the same clowns that walk around in a dress, carrying a stick then demand cash for being in your photograph. I think I have my ideal retirement job sorted.

The pyramids themselves are huge- they dominate the skyline and tower over the barren desert they are in. It reminded me of lancelin and just made me miss my landcruiser! We went down into the tomb of Khafre Pyramid- weird. The tunnel in is about waist height, on about a 30 degree descent, and theres no vent fans or anything helping there. As you go down the tunnel you can feel yourself gasping for breath as it heats up and the oxygen thins from all the other tourists huffing away in there. About 100m into the tunnel after a steep drop and steep uphill we hit the central chamber and sarcophagus which although bare was still impressive to know you were under 2.5 million limestone stones and 147m of scientifically dumped rock! After that we scammed entry to the sun boat museum and headed the sphinx at the bottom of the hill to do the touristy thing with the walk like an egyptian photos- well we did after Lynda had to tell a bloke "Em'Shee" or "@$%& off" and leave us alone in Arabic. I don't think its the last time that one will get whipped out this trip... Well until I buy a taser here anyways.

We are on a 3 hour bus ride now to Alexandria, and after 4 bribe stations, aka "checkpoints" we are well into the trip. After the recent Egyptian bombing there is crazy security around the place- on the still unfinished highways (probably 15 years on) there are manned guard towers, endless rows of bollards and barricades in front of government buildings and it seems even the scarecrows in the fields have barbed wire protecting them. Apparently broom sticks and flanno are rare commodities to farmers. Maybe I can get some deal exporting rockingham residents over here- I wonder if they like ugh boots and thongs with socks too...

Austria to Athens to Cairo

aaaand its midnight. I got myself a birthday prezzie in Athens, the airport we have a 3 hour stop over in on our way from Vienna to Cairo- Ouzo! Its basically the same as black galliano sambucca, but its clear and I reckon it tastes better. Its somewhat of a Greek tradition, so pretty appropriate. I caught a travel show a little while back about a scooter tour of Athens, with one of the big highlights being driving up to cafes, getting your shot of Ouzo and driving off to the next cafe, regardless of the time of day. All the security guards at the x-ray desk loved it too- seems tourists don't know about the stuff so the bunch of them had a good laugh too when we told them it was our only souvenir from Greece.

The day so far- or hour of it that I have seen so far has been awesome. We are flying with the national Greek carrier, Olympic airlines and they are the first non-budget airlines we have been on this tour. This means we get service! Dinner came around- Beef stew with pasta, a salad, desert... "What drinks sir?" I asked for a wine and so did every other person after me once they found they could too haha. I also got the chance to sample some Gerek brews- I'm looking forward to coming back here in a few weeks! Leg room, food, drinks, comfy seats- its like its my birthday!

Vienna (Wien) was a blast for the past two days- we met so many great people it just topped it all off. I'm still wondering why I don't come across this many awesome new faces back home- Might have to start making the hippee club a regular haunt again! We caught the Schonnbrunn Palace with its gardens of 6m tall solid walls of trees, fountains the size of Olympic swimming pools and grounds bigger than a country town. Also in there was the natural history museum and the Museum quarter, some markets, a stroll through town past the endless fountains, castles and renaissance style mansions. The place was pretty fancy- marble all over the place like on retaining walls and in public parks. I know how long new pot plants in roundabouts last in Aus, so its no surprise we don't have stuff like this.

On the last night there (Friday) we also squeezed in a pub crawl and met up with the guys from California that we met over at the Eggenberg brewery in Cesky Krumlov. 12 EUR, free beers and wine the first hour, random shots getting poured down throats, free drinks and cocktails, and the crippling "nail game". Everything was progressing sweetly until the last place with the cheap cocktails after 2am... After a couple too many Long Island Ice teas and an empty wallet the freezing dawn stagger back home was not as fun as it could have been. Deciding to buy breakfast 10 odd train stations from the hostel and having the shopping bag split on the train at the station I had to jump off at was another unwelcome skill tester.

We are due into Cairo pretty soon- I can see the night lights of towns passing under the plane now as we descend. I keep looking out expecting a pyramid or 3 to be standing out but no luck yet. haha... I'm noticing the effects of that lack of sleep. I thought the city of 30 million was having rolling blackouts just then- it took a little too long to realise that it was actually just the clouds in the darkness blocking my view of the lights. Anyways... Hopefully we have a hotel and some place to sleep booked for tonight.

Cesky Krumlov

So we are both scraping the crumbs out of our wallets and rationing the last Czech crowns we have, when Tim the Arts student from Perth reminds us why we booked this hostel "The free keg of beer should be in about 7pm". It doesn't get much better than that! Every other person at the hostel is an aussie and after the reminder about the free Wednesday keg, it all made sense why! The hostel is awesome- its a solid wooden 3-storey inn sitting on top of a rock that has a waterfall flowing around it. From our room's window its a drop straight down about 10m to the waterfall, and the views are sweet. Its also a short 1 minute stagger (and stumble over bloody cobblestones) to town, 50 odd pubs and the main square.

We took a hike around the huge UNESCO protected castle just around the corner that makes up Cesky Krumlov and saw the sights the town had. Its pretty bizarre- it had a moat like most other castles, but this one had a twist in the form of a brown grizzly bear at the bottom- That would make the first still functional moat I have seen this trip. The castle is second in size to the Prague castle and its grounds are massive. It has a pond the size of a city block, a revolving grandstand for an outdoor theater, a 1km long enclosed sky walk from Castle to Cathedral and of course the grizzly out front with the "do not feed the bear your limbs" sign. After the castle we went on the hunt for the supermarket to cook up a feast for dinner. I was stoked- it was only the second kitchen we have come across since we started on the trip and I was hanging to cook something up. We couldn't find the supermarket for ages, but after running into the couple we did the shocking Prague ghost tour with, we were pointed in the right direction and had a win. I spotted the bloke on the street and said g'day- he didnt recognise me without the beard haha.

After a bit of debate on what to cook- green curry, steaks, pizzas... We settled for a local favourite - Enter the stuffed capsicums. It felt kind of cruel seeing all these backpackers making mayonnaise sandwiches for dinner while Im stinking the place out with garlic waiting for my stock to reduce, so we offered some of our sausage spewing dracula meat paste, but not surprisingly it was turned down. As dinner was finishing up on the stove we got the tick of approval that the keg was chilled and it was on! While sampling my 10 pints I met most of the crew staying in the hostel and we pretty much turned a couple of outdoors tables into an aussie keg party for a while. Come 10pm the keg was drained and we got moved on to the pub next door. The pub was pretty quiet, so a few of us decided to head out into town for a blokes night- from the sounds none of us had managed to do that for a damn long time so it was well overdue, and I had to blow the last of my 130 crowns ($10) too...

Feeling kind of shady the next day, me and Lyn did a tour of the local Cesky Krumlov brewery, Eggenberg. Its a small brewery that has been producing for over 100 years, but has this year declared bankruptcy and been bailed out by a Finnish company. Its built in a wing of the castle and spans a few buildings with its brew rooms, cellars and bottling room. The workers are homeless and work in exchange for beer and board. Its a funny arrangement- a few were fired a couple of years ago and the town went into protest because it meant the bums were now drunk and passed out in city the streets and damaging tourism so the brewery was coerced to let the blokes back to work and have been there since! The whole place is built on the cheap, and needs some serious maintenance. The pride of the company is the sticker machine that labels beer bottles because its the only thing that was purchased new. After the tour we got stuck into one of the locally brewed ales and had a chat to the others in the group- one from Denmark that headed out on the town with us last night and the other 3 people from Cali that are on their way to Vienna tomorrow. We had a good chat and exchanged emails to hopefully meet them for a bender tomorrow night. They put us onto a sweet service- couchsurfer.com Its a free accommodation service! definitely checking into that after the Egypt tour.

Its like they have a law here against fat people- which I'm stunned about given that the average beer consumption is 160 litres per head of the population! All the girls here are stunning and dressed to the nines as well- even the kids that hang around at the train station have leather jackets, Gucci sunnies and look like they are off to a club... even though its 4pm. There are still the regular bums scattered around passed out amongst their collections of empties, but they have hidden wealth. See, the beer bottles here require a 3 crown deposit - about 20c and a dollar on the crates, so thought they may seem like homeless bums to the uneducated, they actually have a wealth of liquid assets, so after they pass out they are pretty much left in peace to sleep it off and cash in their refunds.

Shenanigans. The ticket inspector came around 15 minutes ago, said something about autobus and then left. About 2 people seem to get off each time the train stops at a country town or random concrete bench in a forest, but this station we noticed about 20 got off and then we found our train was now empty. We grabbed our stuff and raced off to follow the crowd onto a bus which then hurtled around back streets of country towns and wound up in a train station some place... Its now after the time we were meant to catch our connecting train from "Gmund No" to Vienna, we have no idea where we are, where we are heading or if we will even get to Vienna and no one on the train speaks english. hahaa awww crap.

Oh wait... the buildings out the window are kinda different to Czech ones now, and the one sign I have just seen didn't have an accent over every second letter- I think we might be in Austria! Now I wonder where this train goes...